The Federalist recently had an article 30 Questions Likely To Stump The ‘Sharp’ And ‘Vigorous’ Joe Biden which harkens the question(s), what would Pres. Biden’s answers be to these questions. We gave the list to the best minds the n0n-Biden administration has to offer and came up with these. We think they’re fairly spot on to how the current resident of the White House might respond.
1. What day is it today? A: Yeah, so you thought you’d go for the throat right out of the errr…. umm… which is the exact reason why we have them. That f***ing Bibi is an a**hole and can’t tell time.
2. What are the names of your grandchildren? (And how many do you have…?) A: Eenie, meaney, miney, moe…five… I have three? 45? Hike!!!
3. When is your birthday? A: A long long time ago in a galaxy far….. No, seriously I learned all about roaches…
4. What is a woman? A: What is this? Right wing propane? Most people know what ehhh…. about how my leg hair and how it stands up in the pool and is blonde…. errr… anyway…
5. Who’s the president of France? A: Adolf…. Umm… Frank… Fran… You know… the guy.
6. What year is it? A: Yes, that’s right. Absolutely I’m planning on it as soon as we get it done.
7. When were you first elected to the Senate? A: Yeah that’s a good one wise guy. You know all about don’t you? Wanna see who can do more pushups, right now?
8. What are the main ingredients in a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? A: Ice cream and pudding and ice cream.
9. What is aluminum foil made out of? A: It’s from that stuff, y’know that we found, at that place in New Mexico, y’know… Rothweller or something like that. Yeah, you can smash it in your fist and it we uhhh learned a lesson that we all can take something from.
10. How many fingers are on your left hand? A: That was right after the incident when I was arrested after I visited Mandela in that South Dakota prison.
11. What year did you fight Corn Pop? A: We can all agree on that, but it’s those damn MAGA extremists.
12. What color is the White House? A: Yes it is usually, but not always, but not not always, so possibly.
13. What is the shape of the Oval Office? A: The what? The bevel orifice? Sounds like a little girl I once smelled, twice…
14. What NFL team just won the Super Bowl? A: Y’know, I was quite the football player back in the day. I quarterbacked 5 Super Duper.. what do you call it? Super Duper Bowl teams in the early days of the league before they were a racial jungle.
15. What’s the opposite of up? A: Up? Like up? Up what? What are you trying to say? You wanna go out back and take care of this?
16. What numbered day in July does the Fourth of July fall on? A: Thought you’d slip a trick question by me eh? All the days are numbered in July, not just the 58th.
17. What’s the name of your vice president? A: Barack Obama. I can do more pushups than him.
18. Why do Christians celebrate Easter? A: Everybody knows that’s the day when chickens lay all those pretty colored eggs and I get to go hunt for them with all the little girls in their pretty little dresses. They all look like 19 or 20 year old babes don’t they?
19. Where do babies come from? A: I had friend that once had a baby, Petey I think was his name, and I appointed him to be the Secretary of Trans. or something I think, somewhere, for somebody. It paid real good though. 10% is always good Hunter says.
20. What does 5+5 equal? A: More than 5… maybe? I’m not really good with numbers more than 1 y’know. I take a stab at it… OWWWIE, I cut my finger.
21. What state were you born in? A: Confusion, but I’ve been gaining ground ever since is what the nice men in the white coats tell me every week.
22. What’s the difference between “effect” and “affect”? A: What? (Question repeated) What?? (Question repeated) What??? Open your mouth, I say open your mouth when you speak son.
23. Where does Santa Claus live? A: They say he lives on a pole, but that really doesn’t seem possible unless he’s really really small. I beat him at pushups too.
24. How many hours are in a day? A: Did that little curly haired clown say that I put a lid on something again? Who is that anyway? I bet I could beat her at arm wrestling.
25. Are you wearing an adult diaper right now? A: Never leave home without it. Can’t you smell it? That’s creamed corn with creamed hot dogs today. It smells different every day. I kinda like it.
26. How many inches are in a foot? A: Finally an easy one, you guys are tough I tell ‘ya. It’s easy to call a General with a corn muffin Shirley.
27. How do you pronounce your press secretary‘s last name? A: Are we talking about the same guy? Jim? Sake? Something like that, right? I haven’t seen him lately though. I keep seeing this Munchkin flipping pages in a notebook and it makes me laugh and then I have to change my diapee.
28. How many sides does a pentagon have? A: I was in the Pentagon once and everyone stood to the side when I walked by, stupid SOB’s. I think it was the same day that I had the creamed corn with creamed hot dogs.
29. How do you spell “Mississippi”? A: C’mon man. You can’t expect a busy man like me to learn to spell every foreign country in the world can you? What, are you on drugs or something? You shoot up before you come in here or what? Wanna go out back and settle this like men?
30. What continent is South Africa on? A: Detroit today but maybe Delaware tomorrow. Where is the chocolate chip ice cream?
