We were sitting around musing about what must go on in KJP’s little punkin’ head, as little of the knowledge she imparts to us has a basis in reality. It’s just a hodge-podge of Leftist talking points, fake narrative, false statistics, and made up poll numbers it seems. And she does it with the cutest little stupid blank stare you’ve ever seen, right before she storms away from the podium pissed off, again. She’s been accused of being an affirmative action hiree, specifically that she was hired because she’s a black lesbian rather than her vast and expansive knowledge of everything in the universe.
If only you mean and rude reporters would stop asking her questions about things that are important to you and difficult for her to answer. Seriously. Think about it. She has to turn to the right page in her folder to enunciate the proper talking point/canned response that will likely have zero salient information about the question you asked. Then when her answer is rightly met with ridicule and derision, she’ll either flat out lie, cut off further questioning on the subject, or storm out of the room.
But really, what goes on in this person’s head to stand in front of the world and blatantly lie lie lie day after day, refusing to answer even the simplest of questions with a truthful answer? This cretin even refuses to confirm that there indeed is rampant inflation. Her standard answer (for 2 years now) is that the ‘rate of inflation’ is going down, and she sticks by that DNC talking point.
So we’re going to play a game and pick subjects out of the news and give what we think might be KJP’s ‘take on things”. It’s not a head that’s infected with knowledge and facts, so…..
The War In Gaza – If the previous racist MAGA extremist administration would have left the U.S. Embassy where it was, this whole skirmish could have been avoided. And if the Jews didn’t occupy Gaza, this wouldn’t have happened. Totally the Jews fault and they need to ceasefire and pay reparations now. The U.S. State Department and the entire Biden administration is working tirelessly to make sure the Gazans have a safe haven to the proper infrastructure to carry out future terrorist attacks on the Israelis.
Inflation – As seen in this hockey stick chart here, you can see that the rate of inflation has been steadily decreasing for the past 2 years, and at this rate the government soon will be able to buy everything for everyone, if you’re from another country that is. The administration has been working tirelessly to lower costs so that American’s can put more food on the table and gas in the car. It’s been difficult as the previous administration had decimated the economy and supply chain, and we’ve had to rebuild the infrastructure from the ground up. We need another 4 years to finish the job.
2024 Election – The administration is working tirelessly to keep miscreant criminal reprobate extremist MAGA wing of the GOP from attempting to steal the election. The American people deserve an outcome that has been predetermined, with the best intentions for them, by the best and brightest minds Martha’s Vineyard has to offer. Their decision is that another 4 years is in order to keep America safe and strong.
The Southern Border – Let’s be clear here. Walls are racist. The border is secure. We don’t just have people walking across the border with no controls or restrictions. There is a legal and orderly way to enter America and that’s what we are working tirelessly for the American people for. But remember, also, borders are y’know borders, and are meant to be crossed. We have a comprehensive immigration strategy and plan we’ve wanted to implement but the Republicans have blocked us every step of the way. We want to stop the human smuggling, the fentanyl smuggling, the illegal immigration, all of it, but the MAGA Extremist Wing of the GOP won’t allow us to do anything.
Transgender Rights – Transgender rights are human rights. If a man can use a man’s restroom, then a trans man can use a woman’s restroom, it’s that simple. And if teen girls and little girls finds the sight of big hairy balls and penises disturbing or frightening, then THEY need to take a chill pill and realize that everyone has rights, not just them. They need to quit being selfish and think about the feelings of others. It’s the racist right-wing MAGA fascists that are against allowing children to be groomed by us, I mean by those transgenders. Besides, I’m gay and don’t like balls and penises, eeeewwwwww…
Immigration – The administration inherited a broken system that was implemented by the previous MAGA terrorist extremist administration. The administration is working tirelessly day and night trying to find homes and jobs for the 10 millions guests that the President invited in. We need to show our hospitality to these guests, and not leave them wanting for anything. And as winter is coming on strong, Americans should really consider taking in a family or two for the winter to alleviate any suffering they might endure. Remember, most of our guests are from far south of here and have never experienced cold weather. We need another 4 years to fix the broken “Trump” system. But with the administration’s tireless efforts, and with your empty bedrooms, we can feed and house all of them this winter. Then next spring, we can talk about fixing the broken immigration system, but first things first.
Societal Unrest – If all of the 53 genders other than “male” can get along, then doesn’t that mean that toxic, masculine men are the problem and that they need to be reeducated into our new woke and scientific society. And since all those on the Left and other political spectrums, other than the violent extremist MAGA wing of the GOP, are non-violent and don’t resort to name calling and hateful rhetoric like the hateful extremist racist MAGA maggots on the Right do, so we’ve reserved the right to doxx, shame, call out on social media, protest at their homes, and get them fired from their jobs IF they don’t agree with our anything and everything.
Note: As this is just a satirical article, we’ve probably used some big words that KJP doesn’t know and wouldn’t know how to use if she did know of them, so we apologize to her and her staff for offhandedly insulting their definite collective intelligence. We didn’t mean to. Really, we didn’t.